Matters Of the Heart
Written August 7, 1995
Dedicated to all whom have experienced a broken heart. May this assist them in finding themselves once again.
When you have loved and lost in your life, you tend to learn what pain really is. In an attempt to best describe this agony, I will begin by stating that this is probably more miserable than a terminal disease. It begins with the flooring experience that the one you love has chosen a different life. And it doesn't include you. The feel a severe sense of rejection, fear and insecurity. This feeling is also accompanied by disbelief. Disbelief stays with you for many months, maybe even a year.
When you finally realize there is nothing you can do or say to change the way things are, you find yourself lost and alone. This is the point where most seek a significant other to fill that giant hole in thier heart. As you diligently persue this person, they find out quickly that people spot the pain right away and shy away from a potential relationship. Too much extra baggage.
Here is where you find Depression. Feeling completely alone and a serious failure in all that you have ever tried to do in your life. You feel good for nothing or no one.This personal pity party continues for quite a while. A time frame would depend on how much you actually loved this person,circumstances surrounding the separation, and length of time you were together. Depression is such a broad definition of an emotion that I will Highlight some symptoms to recognize it. Lack of ambition and no goals in life would be a good signal.
Most people try some sort of religion to help ease the misery associated with this tragedy. Depending on your personal religious background and belief, this sometimes also fails to ease your pain. You tend to once again start looking for that significant other. God can ease your pain and fill that giant hole in your heart if we let him. Problem is most people now days never actually lets him. Or flesh cries out for physical soothing and tangible healing. This is an area I have failed in the past.
Then we get angry. Questioning Why in the world did this have to happen to me. The lost loved one becomes a monster. Bashing that person every opportuntiy that arises. In some ways, this provides a certain sadistic pleasure. It temporarily psoothes the anger involved in dealing with this. We soon find out it is just that. TEMPORARY. Some may do this more than others because of the temporary relief it does provide.
When this finally gets old, you have bashed his or her name completely into the ground, you step back and take a look at the devastation this has caused them. It has also made you look bad and destroys your integrity. Some feel guilty about what they have done. Each relationship is unique in it's own way. Good friends, married or not, will try to give you a lot of uneducated advise about what to do. People find strength in numbers for some reason. So they will automatically take your side in the issue just to make you feel better. They will never understand what the two of you shared together at one time. In your endeavour for answers, you try this advise. DUMB! The worst thing you could do.
This brings us to one of the last remaining pillars in this mass of emotional confusion, "Bitterness". Dealing with bitterness is one of the most difficult things a person could ever overcome. Your heart becomes callused in all walks of life. You obtain an overwhelming independance you never knew you had. You grasp on to the determination that this will not keep you down anymore. So you fight back. Court battles over children, child support ect. Or shoing up with a date in a place you are highly likely to run into your lost loved one. Then you make sure your date gets plenty of attention. So much that it would make anyone sick. That type of thing is vendictive and accomplishes nothing. In the case of custody, LISTEN TO THE CHILDREN AND REMEMBER THEY SHOULD HAVE THE FINAL SAY SO. That is what the court does.
Focusing on all of the above, you never have had time to stop and realize that you were a good person before this relationship. And guess what, YOU STILL ARE. Count your blessings every day. If you go to drop your keys and you suddenly catch them, realize that was a blessing that you didn't have to bend over to pick them up. When you check your mailbox and find your mailbox empty, Hey it could have been full of bills you couldn't pay. You wake up in the morning and see a smile on your childrens face, You are blessed because they could be terminally ill. Count every blessing no matter how big or small. Take pride in the fact that you are now focusing on the positives in your life and not the negatives in the past. This will eventually build happiness achieved by you. No one answered your questions, no one erased your pains, no one filled that giant hole in your heart. But now you can stand on the actual values and morals you grew up with. Now you are a whole individual again. No desire to hurt or avenge anyone. This is the area in "Matters of The Heart" where I tell you, YOU CAN LIVE A FULL LIFE AGAIN. LOVE CAN BE ACHIEVED AGAIN. BUT ALL OF THE ELEMENTS ABOVE USUALLY COME TO PASS BEFORE A PERSON'S HEART IS READY TO LOVE AGAIN.
DON'T RUSH IT. IT CAN BE SURVIVED. AND WHEN IT IS ALL OVER THE SONG WILL RETURN IN YOUR HEART ONCE AGAIN.
AUGUST 6, 1995